Confessions of the Lost
by SweetHeartxx
Summary: Written for sick-atxxheart's The Battle Challenge. Regulus Black finds out the consequences of his actions the hard way, he loses the only woman he ever loved and finds himself in a place of responsibilty he never wanted to find himself in.
1. Prologue

**Disclaimer: These characters are not mine, nothing is mine, well except the shiny plot.**

For a Single Tear

They had both agreed, since they were little children, perhaps even in diapers that they would never be sucked into it all. They would remain true to themselves and their hearts, not fall into this foolishness, but he had betrayed their promise, he had betrayed himself. But most importantly, he had hurt the only female that didn't make him cringe. He had hurt his best friend, he could see it in her eyes when he uttered those words, the words that broke bonds once thought unbreakable.

"_Savvy, I need to be honest with you." Her eyes widened, and the worry was evident, but as he continued his thought, he was careful to look away. He knew he would not like what he saw there. "I've… please forgive me." He had peered up from behind long dark locks that had fallen in front of his chocolate colored eyes, the only give away that he was indeed himself and not his older brother._

"_What are you talking about, Regulus?" Savannah never called him by his full name unless something was wrong. So she must have caught the hint that he was serious. Well of course he was serious, and of course she would notice this. They had been best friends, forever and always, they had promised. If anyone knew him better than himself, it was Miss Savannah Wilkes. But he didn't deserve her, not after this. Where had his common sense lost itself in those few moments? Since when did he care about such power? _

_Forcing his eyes to look back up, into hers, he mimicked his brother unknowingly, pulling his hand through his hair. How did one tell their best friend, the one they'd betrayed, that they had done the one thing they said they'd never done? How do you tell the girl you very well might love that you've done the unthinkable? How do you say – "I'm a death eater…"_

He was glad for the comfort of his room, the solitude and silence. Regulus was glad for the break in the craziness of the war, of school. Summer was just what he needed, a break, to clear his mind and figure out how to make things right. He loved Savvy, he still did. So what had caused him to momentarily let that one fact slip… No there was no wondering about the answer to the question he now posed.

Regulus and Savannah had tried the dating thing a little more than three years ago; and that was when they decided they were absolutely not suited to be more than best friends. But in the last months, Regulus couldn't deny the feelings he had been shrugging off. He most certainly felt more than friendship for her. Which was the reason he never should have hoped to hurt her; so why was it that he did just that? Could it be, that because he was most certain he could never have her that he did the only thing he knew to do – push her away. But at what price?

"_You what?" Savannah's jaw dropped, and her blue eyes widened in shock. He could tell she was fighting sense, that something, anything, wanted to say he was lying, that this was all a cruel joke. But he knew she wouldn't, and he knew he should walk away. Just let her go, once and for all. But his feet wouldn't move, his hands shaking in the pockets of his robes. He needed to hear what she had to say. He had to know that it was over, he couldn't just assume it. Assumptions could be more dangerous even then the words he say forming on her lips. "Regulus Arcturus Black, I cannot believe you."_

_Regulus winced, distorting his clean, primly kept face. He wasn't ready to be attacked, even if he knew it was coming. They were both Slytherins, they were both purebloods, but neither of them, neither of them had ever really believed in what the Dark Lord was doing. They simply didn't think it was right. This was exactly why this was the lowest blow he ever could have dealt her, the thing that would hurt them both the most._

Why did he think that he needed to push her away? Was he really that afraid of rejection?

His elbows rested on the edge of his bed as he knelt beside it. A single tear escaped his eyes before he pressed his fists to them. He was Regulus Black, heir to the long, proud bloodline and inheritance of the Black family. He was not a weak person. But he needed Savvy, and now… This was his fault.

He removed his fists from his eyes and tilted his head upward, his eyes gazing out into the dark sky, only a single star in sight. So he clenched his eyes shut tightly and bowed his head, moving his lips in a sort of incantation, making a wish with all his heart, that by some miracle, he could find the hope that someday things should once again be right between them. For, he'd not only lost his only love, but also his best friend, his steadfast keeper, his sanity and other half.

"_I'm sorry, Sav…"_

"_It's Savannah. And please, no excuses." The hurt was evident in her eyes, held thick in her voice, as she bit her lower lip, evidently holding back tears."I've been hurt enough, Regulus. You know this. But, I never would have thought… I'd never have thought you'd hurt me too."_

_She had given him no chance to defend himself, to apologize. All too quickly, Savannah Wilkes, his best friend, the girl he could only dream would ever be his, was walking briskly away, for she knew better than to run. It was both improper as well as keen to draw attention. And Savannah was always proper, and if he guessed correctly, the tears would be forming now in her eyes, much as they were in his own, and she wouldn't want those prying eyes or those foolish boys trying to comfort her, unknowingly making things much worse. _

He cried that night, and the next, for what had been broken and couldn't be fixed.

But as he felt that familiar prick in the back of his eyes, looking back up at the dark night sky, he steeled himself against the pain. He'd made his decision and there was no going back on it now. Regulus had his reasons, and they would remain with him. The only thing he'd ever regret was the loss of one, Savannah Melania Wilkes, the only thing in his life he'd ever clung to…

And then there was that damn burning in his arm.

**A/N: Savannah Wilkes is on loan from the wonderful Scarlett, and I will get into the back story more in the next chapter, this was meant to be more of a prologue... Please Read & Review.**


	2. Chapter 1

Life is But a Dream

He'd always told her what his darkest memory was, though she had always known his answer, and she had always been the first to have his back. Losing his brother had been the hardest thing he had ever experienced. They both knew this. But now, his thoughts on such a subject were beginning to change. What if that's not the thing that was hurting him the most anymore.

Regulus looked up and into the clear blue eyes of his best friend, and she looked back at him lazily, both of them obviously tired of studying. It seemed that she was no longer concentrated on their assignment. Concentration never seemed to be either of their strong suits, so they simply ended up spending most of their free time talking and enjoying each other's company. And she was a pleasant distraction, except for moments like this.

She was lost in her dreams, and he in his thoughts. And a deadly combo those two things were when put together. Thinking and losing himself in her eyes, was at times more than he could handle.

And it was times like these when Regulus began to doubt that the worst thing that could ever happen was Sirius's leaving him. The girl across from him, staring at him, almost blankly, her mind on other things, was the first to tell his brother off, the first to comfort him when he needed a shoulder to… well not cry on per say but one would get the picture. She was always there when he needed her, always what he needed her to be. This led to be a problem; Regulus couldn't help but think he was falling for Savannah.

Now, he wasn't saying that this was necessarily a bad thing; wait, who was he kidding? Of course it was a bad thing. They had tried it before, the whole going from best friends to dating hadn't worked to well three years back in third year, so why would now be any different? Why would she even want to give it another go? As far as Regulus could tell, she was quite content with being "just friends," no matter how much it tore him up on the inside.

This was hard to accept. Being a Black, he had never had issues with getting a girl, even if it was just for the occasional snog or a short fling, though he rarely exercised his influence. And now, the one girl he wanted was most certainly unattainable. But the real question would soon be, could he handle feeling this way for his best friend and manage not to let it change things?

His thoughts were interrupted as Savvy quickly jolted her head downwards, her cheeks flushed a tender pink color. Perhaps she had seen the passion in his eyes; no there was no passion. Regulus, no matter how feeble, continued to drill himself with the constant lies about Savannah being his best friend, that he couldn't start falling for her. It wasn't proper, and it would just give her false hope.

"Welcome back, Sav. For a minute there, I thought we'd lost you." Regulus teased her gently. "Where is it that that pretty mind of yours wanders to?" He smirked at her as she looked up defiantly. They flirted, joked, but it was all just an act, that's how comfortable they were with each other. Best friends worked that way, even in the Slytherin house, even if people thought them cold and heartless, incapable of such displays of emotion, incapable of such a capacity to care. Then again, the two of them had always known that they were different than the rest of their house mates, as they held such a low tolerance for them, held such a low level of respect for their dirty rotten tricks, thoughts, and most of all, the Dark Lord himself, though they were most careful not to let word spread around.

"Well, Reggie dearest, if you must know, I was dreaming of you." She winked playfully. But there was a devious curl of her lips and he knew there was more to come. Savannah never let him off the hook so easily. "If I do recall you were toddling around in diapers and sucking on your thumb, crying cause you couldn't find your mother. But don't worry, I was there to cheer you up."

Regulus couldn't help but chuckle, despite the playful mischief sparkling in his eyes. "I suppose 'tis better than that time you dreamt of snogging that Goyle bloke…" Savvy's eyes twinkled in a noticeable anger, before she closed them. Regulus knew better than to bring that up, her cheeks were flushed, from embarrassment or anger, which he wasn't sure. But either way, he knew he had gone a little farther than need be. But he'd done it all in good fun.

"You know that wasn't supposed to happen." She blushed. After a party, somehow Savvy really had wound up snogging the older boy, and she'd regretted it afterwards. "You are quite lucky I like you, sir. Or else I would have to send you on your way, painfully so." Savannah was not inclined towards violence, so they both knew she'd never lay a hand on him. But it added to the dynamic.

Regulus shook his head smiling at her. "Come now, Sav. We both know you love me anyway, so what does it matter if you kissed him?" He reached over and brushed her bangs from her face, laughing gently as he spoke. Loved him? Now that was a joke if ever he heard one. "I'll forgive you… this time."

Savannah brought her hand to cover her heart, a trick she often seemed to pull. "Oh, what would I do without you, Regulus?" She feigned relief, but there was a slight hint that something was off, though Regulus did his best to shrug it off and blame it on the late hour and the studying they had just been doing. He refused to let himself believe there was anything, more than friendship, between them.

But then Savvy reached out and gave him a playful shove in the chest, shifting him backwards slightly, but only for a moment before he leaned forward once more and regained his previous position.

"I believe that, without me, you would be quite lost Savannah, dear." Regulus smirked as he closed his book and set it down on the table between them. "But there is nothing to worry about. I'm not going anywhere." He leaned back and smiled snuggly as he sunk into the back of the small chair. And her warm smile made his grow, warming his heart. This was all too much. Regulus didn't like her, how could he? They had no chance together; they would both be married off to those who suited them best. But then again, they were both great candidates, their families liked each other… it could work.

What was he thinking? There was no way that he and Savvy could be together, they had done this before, tried things before that they'd only tried with each other. They trusted each other. But she didn't love him. And Regulus wasn't sure he could survive a relationship in which fondness and adoration were the only means to bind them. He needed someone to love him, not in a sisterly way, but romantically.

His thoughts consumed him, turning the idea of Savannah into mere object rather than three dimensional being. Regulus just found it hard to accept that he could be falling for her, and that they were doomed to fail. But what if she liked him? No, Regulus couldn't believe it. No matter how perfect they were for each other; they both hated the horrendous craze for the Dark Lord, neither of them wanted an arranged marriage, neither of them could stand the people in their house, the two faced, stubborn fools that they were. If that wasn't sign enough, he wasn't sure what was… But he couldn't allow himself to believe that they had any hope in being Regulus and Savvy, not just Regulus and Savannah the best friends.

"You know, Annabelle was on me again today about... us." Regulus blinked his eyes, only then realizing that Savannah had leaned closer to him, so that there were only a few inches between their faces, their eyes now locking on each other's. The last word was spoken hesitantly, for they both knew how much it shook their world of happiness. But this time, she seemed to be searching his eyes, for what he couldn't be sure. But what could she possibly be hoping to find?

"When will everyone just give up?" Regulus let out a heavy sigh. He was really beginning to wonder when they would actually give up and give in. He wondered if they would ever be "them" again. "How dense can they be? We're just friends." He spoke the last words more sternly than he'd planned to. But they didn't know how much harder their words and insinuations made his attempts to end this silly little crush.

Savvy shrugged as she sunk back into her own chair, a crooked smile crossing her lips. "They won't give up, Reg, not until they see that they're right." And they both knew those words were true. The only way that they'd ever get the others off of their backs was if they dated again, gave it another go. But did either of them really want that?

"But Sav, they're not right."

"Perhaps we could humor them." Savannah tilted her head to the side and let her red hair fall behind her shoulder. Was she really suggesting that they try dating again? His heart beat doubled in time, racing for reasons he wished to forget; the way she smiled, the way she laughed, the way that she cowered from violence, everything.

"I don't know, Sav…"

Regulus didn't know, he wasn't sure he wanted to know. She didn't know how much he wanted to taste her lips on his again, to hold her in his arms… But if she didn't feel the same way, if this was just an act to get the others to silent their thoughts of dating… Regulus couldn't afford that blow.

"Come on, Reg. Just one date, like before." Savannah had her hands on her knees and leant forward, her eyes dancing in the dim light of the fire. "For me?" She stuck her lower lip out and batted her eyelashes at him. He could feel a smug smirk cross his lips as he leaned closer from his spot on the chair, mimicking her position. There was a fraction of an inch between the two of them. Savannah knew that Regulus caved after a while, nobody could survive that look, not even him.

"You're cheating, Savvy, love." He tapped her on the nose with his pointer finger before letting his head fall to a rest upon hers. "You know I won't say no. But I hope you know what you're getting into, dearest." A smirk tread across his face, even if she couldn't see it, but she would still know it was there. She always knew.

"Ah, it's not cheating. I'm just taking my advantage, Reg." He could hear the laughter in her voice before she leaned back a little, just enough that their heads no longer touched and that she could find his eyes. Savannah would be the end of him, she would. "And I know what I'm getting into. I always do… with you."

"That's good, because we all know, I play by my own rules." He winked as he made to stand. Regulus was getting too hot and bothered to stay here any longer. He couldn't risk ruining things with Savannah, not after he'd tried so hard. With a reach for his book, her hand wrapped around his wrist, bringing his eyes to hers once more.

"You better be careful. Because, so do I." She smiled as she brushed the creases from her skirt and stood, turning to leave. "Don't forget, Hogsmeade tomorrow." Savannah smiled before winking and turning towards the girls' dormitories. Stopping at the door, she looked over her shoulder one last time and whispered to him. "Sweet dreams."

Oh, and he would have sweet dreams; Regulus just hoped he didn't wake the next morning to find it was all a dream.

**A/N: More great thanks to Scarlett for letting me borrow Savannah from her, and I hope their relationship is a bit more defined than it was in the prologue. Reviews would be loved, good and bad.**


	3. Chapter 2

Evening the Score

Savannah had fallen asleep with a small smile on her face the night before. The knowledge that Regulus would be taking her to Hogsmeade tomorrow as a date rather than as just his best friend was more than enough to put her to sleep, so that her dreams could take her happily away.

For weeks, months, perhaps even the better half of the whole year, Savannah had tried hard not to think about Regulus like this, blaming the sudden butterflies she felt on the way that everyone was always planting ideas in her head that the two of them were perfect for each other, no matter what had happened third year. But she was a romantic at heart, deep down, where not many people would find it. To be honest, this was the one thing she wasn't sure that even Regulus knew. After all, what was the point in being a hopeless romantic when you knew that you'd never get your own happily ever after?

When she got this idea, to pin him down, get him to agree to a real date, it had seemed brilliant, bloody brilliant. After all, he would think it was just a ploy to get the others off of their backs and she would feel like she was finally on a date with Regulus, her quite foolish and oblivious best friend. He was quite the charmer, quick witted too, but he never knew when the right girl was just in front of him, as she always was. Unless of course she was behind him, but… you get the picture.

Besides, even if she was only fooling herself, one day would be better than nothing. No?

She glanced once more into the mirror, not that she was vain or anything, but she wanted to make sure she looked just perfect. Of course, Regulus would think she was quite lovely no matter what she wore, but she wanted him to think that she was beautiful; Savannah wanted to wow him, to make him realize what he was missing. Nevertheless, she had gone all out, just enough that he wouldn't think she was going crazy trying to impress him, because they both knew that she needn't try to do that.

Either way, as her eyes skimmed over her perfectly shaped red hair, every hair in place, over her perfectly applied make up, not too much and not too little, she couldn't help but smile proudly. Her blue eyes continued to travel down her figure; Savannah had picked a rather flattering dress, if she did say so herself, a deep blue dress of sorts, falling just above her knees. Not too revealing, and not too flirty that Regulus would suspect a thing; he would just assume it was her way of grasping the attention her mother would have her grasping.

She caught a glimpse of a sharp pair or green eyes staring at her, daggers, into the mirror at her. It didn't really bother her, her roommates were not really her friends after all, and she only kept up her relationships, however strained, because of her mother, worrying about her future. You never knew who you could use in the future.

The girl had her mouth opened, but sure enough, Savannah managed to slide past her, her smile not faltering as she pushed open the door towards the common room. "I'll see you later, Rosa, dear. I haven't the time; I've got places to be." There was a devious glint in her eye as she winked and turned her back on the fuming girl. "Enjoy your day." And the door clicked softly behind her as the common room stepped into sight.

Her blue eyes sparkled as she scanned the room, looking for one person and one person alone, ignoring all the rest. Today, not one of them mattered, not in the least. The only thing that really mattered, that was really important at all was the fact that she had a date, a date she could look forward to in earnest, a date with Regulus.

Savannah chided herself for feeling so giddy, after all, Regulus didn't realize what this would mean to her. All he knew was that they were going to pacify everyone else's need to see them together, but heck, if they kissed once or twice, out of mutual agreement with the understanding that it was only a show, she wouldn't mind at all. She could still recall the feel of his lips against hers, even after such a long time. Before, she hadn't known what she had been letting go of, and now, Savvy would do anything to grasp it once more.

x X x

Regulus had acted casual, not waking any earlier than normal, not that he ever did when he had a date, but that was because he didn't particularly care usually. He had made sure that he took the same measures of grooming himself, so to speak. He didn't take any special time while fixing his hair; after all, his hair would look rather odd in any other preparation. By this time, as was normal, all the other boys his age, those that shared his dormitory were gone, and Regulus was free to get ready without their watchful gazes.

His hair was just right already, just like every other day. His teeth were brushed, nice and white and clean. And now, all he had to do was decide on what to wear. Regulus wasn't really sure whether or not Savvy would dress up, out of the ordinary, or if she would just look like the casual, but undeniably lovely, Savvy that she always was with him.

He thought that she may have settled somewhere in the middle. So, perhaps he should do the same. But, what the hell, this would probably be the first and last date that they shared; and even this one date was on the mutual agreement that they were just to get everyone else of their backs. She didn't really have any romantic feelings for him, she never really had, had she?

Regulus pondered over what this date really meant, not only to him, but to Savvy as well. And even though he couldn't be sure whether she was truly in want of a date and disguising that want with the idea that they go out to pacify the others, he could hope; and hope he would as he finally decided on what he would wear. It really was nothing special, sure he was more dressed up than normal, but it didn't do Savannah justice, she really deserved more.

But it was nearly time to leave, and with any luck, he'd not have kept her waiting long. With one last sweeping glance into the mirror, he took a deep breath and departed the empty room. To his surprise, the common room was still rather abuzz with chatter and it was occupied by many of the older students, many in his grade. What was even more peculiar was that they had formed a small, circular cluster in the corner of the room.

Now to find Savvy…

After three times scanning the room, Regulus finally realized just who made up the large cluster, they were mostly of the male persuasion. That couldn't mean… had he let Savvy alone for too long that she was ready to be devoured by those wolves?

He scoured the group of boys until finally, much to his dismay, he found her red hair in the middle of the sea of untidy hair-dos and unshaven faces. But as Regulus drew closer to those surrounding Savvy, his Savvy, he noticed why they had come to her. Of course, Savannah was always attractive, they all knew that. But today, she was stunning, not a girl could come close to touching her today. So maybe he was biased but all he knew was his feet were glued to the floor, and he couldn't seem to move.

x X x

Where was Regulus? He sure did take his good old time getting ready. So maybe he was taking this date more seriously than she thought he was going to. But she really did wish he would hurry up, they both knew she could only take so much of those foolish boys. They didn't stand a chance, not so long as Regulus was in the picture, even if he wasn't in it yet, technically any way.

She looked out again, bobbing her head, gracefully mind you, to see between the heads of the various boys. A smile brightened her face as she finally spotted him, and he was just standing there staring… was he staring at her? Savvy felt a little warmth rise in her cheeks, sure that she was pink now. But that didn't matter to her, he was here now. That moment was when the tide of the battle changed.

Savvy, seeing that glow in his eyes, the way he looked at her, had no doubt in her mind that she meant as much to him as he did to her. Now, their challenge would be to escape the common room in the fifteen minutes they had before they left for Hogsmeade.

What excuse could she use this time; Savannah couldn't think of a trick they hadn't pulled on these boys yet. They would surely catch onto their game soon, but they couldn't give up. Savannah wanted this date so badly, she needed this, they needed this.

"Hey Avery, is Sav in there?" It was Regulus, he had a plan already?

"Yeah, what's it to you?" She focused as much as she could on the conversation going on at the outer rim of the group surrounding her, no longer even pretending to pay mind to the three boys babbling on endlessly. But it wasn't as if they would really notice anyway, all so caught up in themselves and their own achievements.

"Well, let me see about that, Avery. Could it be because we have a date to get to in about fifteen minutes?" It sounded so foreign and yet so sweet to hear those words roll off his tongue and past his lips. But what Savannah hadn't expected was the way that the sudden hush died, not around her, but around the outer edge of the circular blob, and part of the way into the common room. The only distinctive sound was the chatter of those closest to her, and even they, upon noticing the sudden silence, after a short time slowed to an end and looked about themselves for the source of this awkward absence of noise.

The shock on Avery's face began to subside, as well as some of the other onlookers. And with the shock having passed, a flare of anger rose up in Avery's eyes. For once, Regulus had told the honest to goodness truth, and this was the first time the others believed it a lie. How ironic. Perhaps that was why they had never told the truth before.

"Everyone knows the two of you didn't work out before." Avery was up in Regulus's face now, and Savannah was quickly slipping her way from the large mass of males around her, not that she doubted Reg's ability to sort this out, but this distraction was all it took for her to escape, and she wouldn't pass it up. "Why should I believe that the two of you are giving it another go?"

As Savannah broke through the wall of boys, she noticed Regulus's hand move towards his pocket. He kept his wand in that pocket, she was nearly positive… they weren't about to fight; Regulus wouldn't go that far, would he? Well, she was bound to find out shortly.

Regulus pulled his hand from his pocket in one fluid motion, raised it into Avery's line of sight, just enough to frighten him, catch him off his guard.

"Look, Avery." His tone was calm, cool, collected, everything that Regulus was and Avery was not. "Merlin, I swear if you make me miss my date, I will not hesitate to blast your head off here and now." When he saw her emerge from the boys, finally acknowledging that she had made it out safe he lowered his wand and made his way around Avery to her side.

"I'm terribly sorry you had to see that, Savannah dear, but he was being simply uncooperative." He mused with a smirk on his face, even if he could no longer see the fear in Avery's eyes, he knew it was there, and Regulus couldn't help but gloat in his victory, even if secretly inward.

"It's alright, Reg. But next time, be more gentle." She spoke evenly, a practiced tone, but the glint in her eyes would tell him all he needed to know. Savannah looped her arm through Regulus's, though they could doubt all they wanted. He hastened his step, knowing she was in step with him, knowing that she was just as eager to get out of that place as he was.

Once they cleared the doorway and the corridor following, increasing their distance from the common room, Savannah broke the easy silence they had let fall between them with a light, melodious laugh.

"Did you see the way he looked at you?" Savannah turned her blue eyes up to Regulus's darker brown ones, letting go of his arm and slowing her pace. "He thought you were really going to hurt him."

Regulus smirked down at her shrugging lazily. "Well, Sav, I can't say that I wouldn't have. You know how much I loathe Avery. He would have deserved it." Of course, he was joking, she knew that, but she feigned reproach.

"Regulus dear, if you're going to go on being such a jealous boy, I'm not sure this whole dating situation will work." Very pleasant banter, friendly banter, comfortable and familiar banter. Savannah liked the familiar, and pleasantries, but it made her wonder if maybe this was a mistake. Maybe their instincts back in third year were more accurate.

Regulus slung his arm around her shoulders, pulling her closer to him. Then again, Savannah did enjoy the feeling of being so close to him. He smelled so wonderful, and he was so close, she could feel his warmth.

"Well, it just so happens that I was not jealous of that prat. I was simply teaching him a well deserved and overdue lesson, Sav." Regulus mused with a light smile, ruffling her hair slightly with his free hand. "And what reason would I have to be jealous of Avery? After all, I've got you beside me, and he does not."

**A/N: Really not sure what I think of this chapter. I feel like its a little too... over the top maybe? I don't know, but I definitely think something's off. Agree? Disagree? Let me know. =)**


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